“You can always ask,” he wants that clear, okay. He wants that crystal. fucking. clear. “And if you want it? You should.”
He turns his head to nuzzle against Jacobi’s palm, lets his nose brush against his wrist, and he can’t help that he can smell the blood there, wants a taste to help them reconnect. But he can’t rely on that. They shouldn’t.
“If I left,” he says, because he wants this clear, “and… I don’t want to. I don’t want to. It would be because I thought… that I. Was making it harder for you. To heal.”
He looks up at Jacobi and his eyes are open, but they’re also Open. No artiface. Nothing but exactly what he says.
“I’m… under no illusion here, Daniel. I don’t… think you did what you did because it was fun. A relief, maybe. An… outlet. Catharsis. But I don’t think you’re… torturing me. I don’t think any of… any of the difficult parts have been something you want. Even when you want to hurt me.”
He gets that. He really really does.
“I want you to be happy, Daniel. That’s… all I’ve ever wanted. That’s what I care about. And we’re equals. We’re partners. We’re… in this together. If I ever left. For real. Not… spoken out of anger. Or in shock. In pain. It would be something we’d agree on. And it would be just for me to wait for you. But what I want? Is to be here.”
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2021-08-27 04:47 pm (UTC)He turns his head to nuzzle against Jacobi’s palm, lets his nose brush against his wrist, and he can’t help that he can smell the blood there, wants a taste to help them reconnect. But he can’t rely on that. They shouldn’t.
“If I left,” he says, because he wants this clear, “and… I don’t want to. I don’t want to. It would be because I thought… that I. Was making it harder for you. To heal.”
He looks up at Jacobi and his eyes are open, but they’re also Open. No artiface. Nothing but exactly what he says.
“I’m… under no illusion here, Daniel. I don’t… think you did what you did because it was fun. A relief, maybe. An… outlet. Catharsis. But I don’t think you’re… torturing me. I don’t think any of… any of the difficult parts have been something you want. Even when you want to hurt me.”
He gets that. He really really does.
“I want you to be happy, Daniel. That’s… all I’ve ever wanted. That’s what I care about. And we’re equals. We’re partners. We’re… in this together. If I ever left. For real. Not… spoken out of anger. Or in shock. In pain. It would be something we’d agree on. And it would be just for me to wait for you. But what I want? Is to be here.”