Jacobi didn't know if he could have articulated the reason before. He knew he had been a hypocrite, but he didn't know if he could answer this particular question.
He untangles one arm from his blanket as he speaks.
"Because being angry feels better than being sad," he tells him, voice cracking a bit. "I'm sad all the fucking time, Warren. It's always there, in the back of my head. I'm real good at keeping it down, but it's like when I tried to just shove my clothes in my dresser as a kid? Sooner or later, dad's going to come in my room and dump all my clothes out on the ground. And so I just have a big mess of sadness and grief just piled on the floor. That's what it's like to be me. And so I had the chance to be mad instead. I wanted to be mad instead. So I was."
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2021-08-27 04:23 am (UTC)He untangles one arm from his blanket as he speaks.
"Because being angry feels better than being sad," he tells him, voice cracking a bit. "I'm sad all the fucking time, Warren. It's always there, in the back of my head. I'm real good at keeping it down, but it's like when I tried to just shove my clothes in my dresser as a kid? Sooner or later, dad's going to come in my room and dump all my clothes out on the ground. And so I just have a big mess of sadness and grief just piled on the floor. That's what it's like to be me. And so I had the chance to be mad instead. I wanted to be mad instead. So I was."
He takes a breath.